Help Me. (Explicit)

I have been doing a lot better lately. Ive quit using, I'm in love with my girlfriend, and im very happy. But today things went very, very, VERY wrong.

I figure out that many of my "friends" are criticizing me behind my back because my girlfriend is of African decent. They call me "Nigger Lover". And at the first utterance of those words to my face. I couldn't help it. I exploded. I beat his face into the cafeteria table and threw him into a vending machine (The Glass Kind).

I'm suspended right now and I am truly sorry for what i did. I can't believe i lost it like that. I feel awful. I still haven't told my girlfriend about it. I don't want her to know that i get shit for her being black. I don't want her to feel guilty.

Please give me advice on what to do. I need it.

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Huwdlum on March 31, 2009 at 9:26pm: Also...

Dean Kelly went easy on me do to the racial circumstances. i got a 1 day suspension instead of a 3-10day suspention. Mark (Victim) got a 10 day suspention and step. I'm a sophomore. this racist prick was a super-senior. (5 year senior); ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by lowkey on April 1, 2009 at 8:30pm: I saw this post yesterday and I'm still trying to figure out why you should be sorry.

You met aggression with aggression. I would have done the same.

The only question is why are they your friends if they don't respect you and your opinion of other people?; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Caleb Warren on April 1, 2009 at 8:42pm: i think u should ignore them. i no it's hard 2 but try.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Nikki on April 1, 2009 at 9:00pm: I definintly dont think you should ignore them. But I dont think you should kick his ass like that either. I would say turn around and just tell him to shut the fuck up.
You dont need friends like that in your life. You need poeple who respect you and will treat you and your girlfriend with respect. If they have a legit problem with you dating her (besides the fact that she isnt... white I presume) then they should say that, but it doesnt sound like they do.
So, as rough as it is, lose your "friends" and find new ones. If they treat you like that they aren't really your friends anyways.
I have a lot of friends from the places I volunteer. They respect my ideas and principles and help keep me motivated to take action, maybe you can start there.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by icklespecklefrog on April 2, 2009 at 4:22am: Firstly, well done on staying clean. As for your girlfriend if you really love her then talk to her about it - she has probably had to deal with racist morons for most of her life, she may give you some good pointers on how to deal with those scumbags without putting your fists up. Keeping things from her because you dont want to upset her will not work, not in this situation or any, if you love and want to be with one another then you need to share the tough times and deal with them together. You also need to learn how to deal with your temper so this doesn't happen again, and I think your girlfriend could probably help you. As for your 'friends' - they aint your friends, true friends wouldnt care if your girlfriend was black, white, brown or green with purple spots on. So screw them and their ancient out-dated attitudes.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by D.J. Coffman on April 2, 2009 at 8:05am: I'm sorry to hear this happened to you, man. While violence is never the answer, deep down instinctively humans will act aggressively if they feel a threat. You reacted. So what now?

I think you're apologizing (even though you don't have to!) because you feel sorry you hurt someone, even though they wronged you. It's great that deep down you realize what you did you weren't comfortable doing. And not to get all spiritual on you, but one of the greatest feelings it seems is to forgive those who have wronged up, offended you. Put it in the universe's hands. This may seem completely undoable i know, especially considering the circumstances. I'm not asking you to go be friends and hang out with the racist idiots-- but quietly forgive and forget them. If you truly do that, deep down inside you will have a feeling of peace that I can't quite explain in words, but I've experienced this after I didn't believe it was possible.

Get back to your first sentence! You are HEALTHY! You are in love with your girlfriend! You are very happy! Focus on those good things and more good things will come. Don't focus on what you don't want in your life.

Peace!; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by icklespecklefrog on April 3, 2009 at 5:33am: Well said D.J , forgiveness is a wonderful thing, in the end it is ourselves that control our actions and feelings. Getting all angry just eats away inside of you and when you just let it go you feel free.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Huwdlum on April 2, 2009 at 5:59pm: Thank you guys for helping me out! God damn I'm such a hot head, I really, really need to work on that.; ▶ Reply to This